Spring Break Fails....and How to Avoid Them

Aloha Roadrunners,

In honor of Spring Break, here are a few fails that you should try to avoid during your travels.

"I'm good. I don't need sunscreen." 

Well, well, well. We all know the "I don't need sunscreen!" guy at the beach, and we also know the joy of mocking and teasing his rosey-red, cherry, Batman boobs for the remainder of the trip.

I guess these brave sunblock petitioners think that the sun won't harm them. It's always nice when getting to witness their reality-check first-hand. This spring break, do yourself a favor and throw on a little SPF. Your pale tits are fine just the way they are.

As for those who still plan on leaving the sunscreen at home, "AL-OE, ARE YOU STUPID?"

No, but seriously. You're going to need some Aloe.

"I want to wear makeup and look cute on the beach."

 A full face of makeup on the beach will leave you looking kind of like Heath Ledger during his role as the Joker (but less attractive).

Come on, you're at the flippin' beach for King Triton's sake, go swim in the ocean, play with crabs (...the animal), and sunbathe (see #1 for sunscreen advice).

If you MUST use something, try a water-proof mascara, and have fun. There's no need to be too concerned with the intensity of your highlight or perfection of your brows while you're sweating and sandy.

In the words of the Joker, "Why so serious?"

"I'm going to go on spring break with my family." 

While having a free vacation provided by your parents may sound good in theory, it is actually quite the opposite. ABORT MISSION!

Vacationing with your parents as a college student really just enables you to see all of the things that you can't really enjoy when they are around. 

Whether it is because of their rules or their embarrassing tendencies, you slowly become aware of everything that you don't like about the humans who brought you life, and your reign of unstoppable resentment awakens. 

Spring break is only profound when it is experienced in its fun, parent-less glory. Trust me, you'd rather share a room with 6 of your buddies in a dumpy hotel than try to flirt with guys/girls while mommy watches from the background.

Say "no" to parental vacationing peer pressure, mis amigos.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Spring break has the power to ignite bravery and a temporary fog of stupidity on its eager participants.

One second you're listening to a Bon Jovi song on the beach, and the next moment your buddies have convinced you that "this song would make some sick ink." Then, you're in the salon chair of some sketchy tattoo shop while an illiterate man named Tiny sticks needles into your tattoo-virgin skin.

Ouch, and I'm not talking about the pain. When you get a "good idea" this spring break, just remember that it's actually probably a terrible idea, and don't do it.

You're welcome.

We wish you the least amount of failure and embarrassment this spring break. Have fun, and stay safe!